Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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