mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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