I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
