So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
