Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
