2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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