Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
