That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
