dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
bring money and cleavage
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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