Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize