he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Drake has all the answers
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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