I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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