dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
it was like eating out sand paper
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
