Please, let me fuck your mom
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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