I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
