apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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