That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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