The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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