try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
