Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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