i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just googled if crying burns calories
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
