tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
