There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize