So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
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