so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize