I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
