It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
