do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
