theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
please come you make the beer taste better
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
