He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
