we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
