Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
