only if we run a train.
done.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
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