Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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