Why are handjobs necessary in class?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
