How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
