she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
