Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
