dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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