new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
