I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
