alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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