after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
