I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
