with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
