Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
