Well douche your snatch and let's go!
we made out on top of his cat.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Randomize
