i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
