Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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