I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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