In the future we'll all be gay
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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