Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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