you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
