The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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