he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize