is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I think I sprained my soul last night
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
