oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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