somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
