I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
