first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
