I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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