I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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